


what if

by winterheats



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, Jealousy, M/M, Post-Break Up, Sad Ending, written in lapslock hehe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2018-10-18
Packaged: 2019-08-03 10:36:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16324622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winterheats/pseuds/winterheats
Summary: in which minhyun's jealousy and skepticism had gotten the better of him.





	what if

**Author's Note:**

> titled insp by ([x](https://open.spotify.com/track/4XLd7gMhD6Jo2tuHxNaIlq?si=TzZupah9TpydON50Y5wy4w))
> 
> this was written within 2 days so uh apologies in advance for any spelling/grammar errors LOL

minhyun was mindlessly scrolling instagram in bed when a certain post caught his eye.

it was a selfie of daniel and jaehwan. judging by what looked like a mat they were sitting on, they seemed to be at a park. daniel had his typical, million dollar smile on while jaehwan sat next to him, a v-sign in the air. minhyun noticed a pair of wheels on the grass behind them. he wondered if they went skateboarding. that would’ve been interesting to see, jaehwan skating. other than for soccer, jaehwan was never the type to engage in a lot of physical activity, nor did he like to leave his dorm a lot. minhyun wondered if daniel had changed that side of jaehwan, a side that minhyun had wanted to change himself while they were together. things clearly didn’t work out. 

the selfie was accompanied by two videos. minhyun found it hard enough to look at the picture but he still couldn’t resist scrolling and watching the clips. 

in the first one, daniel took up half the frame while jaehwan looked like he was a couple feet behind. they both seemed to be moving while the video was being taken, most likely the skateboards’ doing. in the video, daniel said something inaudible that minhyun couldn’t understand, followed by jaehwan bending inwards as if he wasn’t even in the frame, and of course, flashing a v-sign. 

the second video was probably the hardest for minhyun to watch. it was just of jaehwan skating, daniel presumably skating alongside while recording. in the background minhyun could hear wooing from both voices. 

they had both looked like they were enjoying themselves, and minhyun wanted to be happy for them, he really did. yet, he laid there, feeling a mix of emotions, none of them close to being happy. 

minhyun was the one who had called it quits, so why was he the one who was so miserable? breaking up with jaehwan was what he wanted. he still cared immensely for the boy’s happiness but now that they were done and jaehwan seemed to have found happiness, all minhyun could feel was despair and heartbreak. 

why was he so upset? wasn’t that what he wanted: for jaehwan to be with who minhyun thought he wanted to be with?

the last two to three months of their relationship took a turn when minhyun had noticed jaehwan was spending more time with daniel than usual. daniel was an old childhood friend who had previously lived abroad and recently transferred to their university, so it was expected of jaehwan to spend time with him as a means of catching up after all this time.

what minhyun didn’t expect was how much time the two would end up spending together. to minhyun, it felt almost as if whenever jaehwan wasn’t with him, he was off somewhere with daniel. 

“hey, you and jaehwan are still a thing right?” minhyun remembered sungwoon asking once. 

“yeah, why?” minhyun replied. 

“just making sure. i’ve been seeing jaehwan around with some other guy so i thought you two were over. probably just close friends or something, i guess.”

“yeah,” minhyun said. “i guess.”

it was from that moment on that minhyun had become wary of the two. jaehwan had never done anything for minhyun to doubt his trust and loyalty, and he knew how much jaehwan loved him, but in the back of minhyun’s mind, he had this constant, nagging inkling that what jaehwan and daniel had was more than just friendship.

just then while minhyun was deep in thought, the door of his dorm room opened.

“hey, what are you doing this weekend?” seongwoo asked as he walked in, dropping his bag on the ground and jumping straight into bed. 

“nothing, why?”

seongwoo, who was on his phone, shifted his attention away from his phone and to minhyun, smiling mischievously. “let’s go to a party.”

the thought of attending a party and having to socialize wasn’t exactly how minhyun wanted to be spending a friday night. 

“don’t make that face,” seongwoo said. 

minhyun wasn’t aware he was making a face. 

“ever since you and jaehwan broke up, all you’ve been doing is keeping yourself holed up here! it’s depressing, man. you gotta get out.”

minhyun furrowed his brows in slight annoyance. “i get out.”

“class doesn’t count,” seongwoo immediately protested. minhyun stayed silent. 

“speaking of, can you _please_ talk to him? every time i run into him, which is actually quite often mind you, he always brings you up! never a ‘hi’ or ‘how’s it going?’ it’s always ‘how’s minhyun hyung?’ or ‘could you tell him i wanna talk?’ like, as much as it’s none of my business what happened between you two, i really think you should talk to him.”

“there’s nothing to talk about,” minhyun said monotonically. 

“god, you’re infuriating.” 

\---

as much as minhyun protested and had voiced opposition seongwoo somehow managed to bring him along, which is how minhyun found himself sitting on a couch sipping lemonade in an unfamiliar home full of loud music and dancing college students. 

“is jaehwan gonna be there?” he had asked seongwoo earlier as they were walking to the party. 

“most likely.”

minhyun would have asked seongwoo if he knew if there was anything going on between jaehwan and daniel but decided against it. 

as soon as they arrived at the party seongwoo, like the social butterfly he is, had already gotten absorbed into the crowd. minhyun on the other hand, headed straight for the kitchen, his ideology for the night being that since he’s there he might as well take advantage of the free food. 

his eyes immediately spotted the beer coolers but he decided no to drinking. considering jaehwan was most likely at the party, minhyun didn’t want to run into any accidents that might occur as a result of his emotions and alcohol. 

after taking a slice of pizza and a bottle of lemonade, minhyun left the kitchen to find somewhere he could eat in peace. fortunately after a couple of minutes walking around to see if there was even just a place he could sit, he was able to find some sort of solace in the backyard. 

it was much more quieter outside than inside, although still pretty loud considering the music and talking. a couple people were standing around, drinking, interacting. 

there was a swinging porch bench that was surprisingly void of anyone sitting on it. minhyun took a seat and started eating his pizza while scrolling through social media. it wasn’t the ideal way to be spending his friday night but just being out of his dorm room besides to go to class was quite refreshing, literally. because he had kept himself held up in his room, he practically forgot what it felt like to be someplace other than in his room or some lecture hall. 

once he was done with his slice of pizza, minhyun halted his phone use for a bit. 

it was around 6:30 pm and the sky was a shade of deep violet. there were minimal clouds that added more shapes and hues to the sky. it was a pretty sight that minhyun admired in that moment. 

jaehwan liked sunsets. he liked rushing over to minhyun’s dorm to watch the sunset their location on campus had a better view after long hours of practice in the music department. on the occasion that he had guitar with him, he’d play it while the sun set. 

sometimes minhyun would video record jaehwan without him knowing. had he deleted those videos? of course not. was he watching one of them right now. definitely. 

in the particular video minhyun was watching, jaehwan was plucking the chords to one of his (and minhyuns’s, personally) favorite songs to sing, crush’s “don’t forget.” in that moment in the video, jaehwan’s silhouette appeared before the window viewing the sky. despite the crappy lighting and phone quality, the memory of it all still felt as vivid as a movie. 

“minhyun!” a familiar voice called, causing minhyun to snap out of his jaehwan enamored daze. 

“oh hey,” he replied. 

jisung walked over and took a seat next to minhyun on the bench. “you alright over here?”

“me?”

jisung let out a small laugh. “yes, you. i’m not talking to anyone else, am i?”

minhyun smiled at jisung’s humor. “sorry, i was just dazing out.”

“can tell.” jisung took a sip of his drink before speaking again. “how’ve you been? feels like i haven’t seen you in a while.”

“fine.” a single word, it was minhyun’s go to answer for whenever anyone would ask him how he was doing, which was something he had to answer to a lot those days. 

“you don’t like fine,” jisung sad quite frankly.

minhyun dropped his head in embarassment as a response to jisung’s transparency. 

“i heard you and jaehwan…” jisung struggled to finish his sentence. “...uh, yeah.”

“broke up? yeah.” minhyun confirmed. he could tell jisung didn’t want to come off as rude or insensitive. 

after minhyun’s words, jisung didn’t say anything. the two sat there in silence, save for the occasional sip of their drinks as they looked around. 

“you know what?” jisung said as he got up (a bit dramatically), “let’s forget about that stuff for tonight. you’re here at a party, and parties are supposed to be for having a good time.”

“uh - ” was all minhyun could say. 

“hwang minhyun, get off your lazy, heartbroken ass up and get inside!”

the change in tone physically shook minhyun. “alright fine!” minhyun said, not wanting to anger jisung any more. 

inside the house was different from when minhyun was last inside it. the lights were off and the house was pretty much just loud music and flashing lights bouncing off every corner and wall of the house. it almost felt like being at an actual club. 

minhyun followed jisung as the latter led them closer to the eye of the dancing crowd. it had been quite a while since minhyun been to a party so he started off pretty awkward in terms of blending in with the clusters of dancing bodies around him. when he attended parties (while he was dating jaehwan), they wouldn’t do much dancing with each other either since they’d end up spending most of their time making out in a corner or something of the sort. 

“i know you can dance better than that!” jisung yelled over the music. of course he had already found his groove and was dancing along to the music. minhyun on the other hand, needed some time before his body warmed up to the music. 

once he’d found his own balance, minhyun’s body easily danced to the music blaring from all over. it had felt _so_ long since minhyun’s felt so free. the couple weeks leading up to his breakup were especially emotionally draining, feeling like he had to fake a smile whenever he was with jaehwan, having to pretend like everything was fine when things weren’t. when jaehwan had asked him to open up, to be honest, minhyun continued to shy away. he’d blame it on school for causing him to be more agitated and irritable than usual. he felt guilty, _still_ feels guilty, that he couldn’t be completely honest with his feelings to jaehwan. 

but in that moment, minhyun blocked all of that from his mind. he continued to let himself get completely lost and immersed in the music, the ambiance, and the moment. 

\---

 _maybe seongwoo_ was _right_ , minhyun thought to himself. seongwoo would never let minhyun live it down if he knew minhyun ever thought that. 

the night, or morning at that point (who knew? definitely not minhyun at that moment), was coming to a close. people had started filtering out little by little as the hours went by. 

minhyun’s night thus far had consisted of dancing, going to the kitchen for more pizza and drinks, and catching up with friends he hadn’t seen for a while since the breakup. although someone would ask about jaehwan every now and then, it felt like a relatively free-from-jaehwan night.

minhyun checked the time on his phone to see what time it was. 

_1:22 AM_

that wasn’t good. minhyun had to be up early later that morning for a tutoring session for some freshman. why anyone would want to be tutored 8 AM first thing on a saturday morning was beyond him, but because he was getting paid extra for working on the weekend, he couldn’t skimp out. 

he needed to find seongwoo. minhyun last remembered seeing him taking shots in the kitchen but the room had been empty for a while now. he checked all the rooms on the first floor to see if seongwoo was there and when he wasn’t, minhyun moved onto the house’s second floor. 

the first room he checked was empty, fortunately. all the other rooms he’d checked in on were occupied by either a couple fucking or having already fucked and were most likely just catching their breath in the aftermath. 

what minhyun expected to see from the second room he was going to check, which turned out to be the bathroom, was another couple in the middle of a hookup. 

he wasn’t wrong, technically. what he _didn’t_ expect to see was jaehwan and daniel, making out. jaehwan was sitting perched upon the bathroom counter with his arms around daniel’s neck and legs wrapped around daniel’s waist. 

everything once minhyun opened the door and hit the lights and found the two of them there happened in a flash. jaehwan and daniel broke apart and looked in minhyun’s direction. minhyun’s eyes widened and jaw dropped. 

“oh my god,” minhyun gasped.

“minhyun hyung!” jaehwan said surprised. 

“oh shit,” daniel said, he being the last one to immediately adjust to the lights being on. 

when minhyun realized what was going on before him, he dashed from the spot immediately. 

“minhyun hyung!” jaehwan called out from behind. 

minhyun continued to ignore jaehwan and focused on remembering where he parked. 

“wait!” jaehwan called out.

“don’t follow me,” minhyun said slightly over his shoulder while he continued walking. 

walking out the door, minhyun took a right and hoped that was where he parked the car prior. 

after a couple houses, minhyun was able to find his car. 

“hyung, please!”

minhyun stopped. he was only a couple cars away from his own. he stood still, waiting for jaehwan to catch up. 

he could hear the steps of jaehwan running and his heavy breathing nearing closer. 

“can we talk, please? just a sec.”

minhyun turned around. jaehwan stood in front of him and for some reason, minhyun was taken aback at that. he’d avoided jaehwan since the breakup and had only ever seen him through social media. 

“there’s nothing to talk about.”

“nothing to talk about?” jaehwan scoffed. “there is _plenty_ to talk about.”

“i have nothing to say.”

minhyun could see that with every word he spoke, jaehwan would look more and more defeated. his brows were furrowed and lips parted slightly. minhyun hated himself for making jaehwan feel this way, for hurting him. 

“can i just ask you something?”

minhyun sighed. “sure.”

“why?” jaehwan asked. “what did i do wrong?”

minhyun almost winced at the tone of jaehwan’s voice. he was definitely on the edge of tears. jaehwan’s eyes were sparkling, but not for good reason. 

“are you not going to answer my question?”

minhyun felt confused. why was was jaehwan standing in front of him, tears basically running down his face at that point, when just a couple moments earlier, he was happily locking lips with daniel. 

as for jaehwan’s question, minhyun had not much to say. “i already told you. it’s me, not you.”

the way minhyun broke up with jaehwan was short and swift. he thought it’d be better for the both of them if he just made it quick, like ripping off a bandaid. clearly the pain of the wound was still there.

“bullshit!” jaehwan shouted. his hand balled into a fist.

“okay, calm down. there are people sleeping,” minhyun said. 

jaehwan took a deep breath. he pressed his face to the palms of his hands for a second then looked back at minhyun. “look,” he started, “if you want nothing to do with me anymore, i get it. i respect your decision. i just want an explanation. no bullshitting, be straight up with me. that’s all i ask.”

when minhyun broke up with jaehwan, he didn’t offer much explanation. all he said was that he wasn’t feeling it anymore, that it was because of him, not jaehwan. the reality was very much wrong. minhyun was still deeply in love with jaehwan. he justified breaking up with him _because_ of jaehwan. he suspected jaehwan of having deeper feelings for daniel and rather than risk finding out jaehwan cheated on him, minhyun thought it would be easier to just end things. he didn’t think jaehwan would have taken him seriously if he voiced his real feelings. he thought he was doing a good thing by letting jaehwan go because it meant that jaehwan could be with someone he shared a deeper connection with. 

jaehwan remained standing before minhyun, his hand on his hip. 

“i -” was all minhyun managed to muster. the lump in his throat felt constricting overbearing. 

minhyun looked down. “i’m sorry.”

“that’s it? you’re sorry?”

minhyun looked back up. “yes, i’m sorry. i’m truly, irrevocably, regretfully sorry.”

“don’t do this,” jaehwan pleaded. “the truth. i deserve at least that much, the truth.”

minhyun remained with his head down, completely silent. 

“or do you think i’m not deserving of the truth?” jaehwan asked.

minhyun looked up at jaehwan. he looked so defeated, so sad. minhyun could see the tear streaks on jaehwan’s face glimmering under the streetlight. he hated seeing jaehwan like this. in fact, he had never seen jaehwan like this. 

jaehwan was right, he deserved the truth. minhyun thought if not today, then when? 

“you and daniel. that’s why.”

jaehwan’s face went from despair to a mixture of surprise and shock. “daniel? _daniel?!_ and me? daniel _and me?_ ”

“...yes.” minhyun said after a while. he could hear the sound of defeat in his own voice. 

“so you ended this relationship because of me and daniel?”

“yes.”

“i don’t even - what? i don’t even see how my friendship with daniel had anything to do with u- wait, were you jealous or something? mad that i was spending time with him?”

“no, it’s not - well, yes. sort of.”

“well what is it?”

it was shocking how fast jaehwan’s voice went from wavering to stern in a matter of seconds. 

“i…” minhyun didn’t know how to explain his feelings without sounding like an idiot. “i saw the way you two were like around each other. there was,” minhyun paused. “something there.”

jaehwan looked at minhyun like the latter was out of his mind. 

“so you’re telling me that you ended us just because you thought daniel and i had something going on?”

hearing it come from jaehwan’s mouth definitely confirmed how ridiculous minhyun had been. 

“yeah,” minhyun said almost inaudibly. 

jaehwan scoffed. the image of a heartbroken and desperate boy in front of minhyun was no longer. jaehwan looked angry, furious, shocked. minhyun expected jaehwan to lash out at him but he doesn’t. 

“so you must be happy then?” jaehwan asked. 

“huh?”

“daniel and i. i’m sure you saw.” the way jaehwan said those words felt like stab wounds in minhyun’s chest. the lump in his throat felt like it was ten times bigger. 

“so i was right about the two of you all along.”

jaehwan shook his head. “oh, no. actually you could have never been more wrong. daniel and i were only friends, but it wasn’t until you broke up with me that i realized how great of a guy daniel is to be with.”

minhyun was about to say something when jaehwan cut him off. “and this conversation we’re having? it’s made me realize how much better i am off without you.”

 _ouch_. “what are you saying?” minhyun asked. 

“you did this.” it was like jaehwan was spitting his words at minhyun. “you wanted me to be with daniel so bad, huh?”

minhyun took a step back and clutched at his chest. “i - of course not.”

“you always brought him up. you were so skeptical, you never trusted me.”

it was then that jaehwan’s tone had gone back to sounding anguished. minhyun wished it would all stop. he wished he’d never agreed to go to this stupid party, wished he’d never seen jaehwan and daniel in that bathroom, wished he’d just ignored jaehwan’s requests to talk to him. 

“when have i _ever_ given you a reason to doubt me?”

 _never_ , was the answer minhyun wanted to say but didn’t. 

and like that, jaehwan was gone. he walked back without having said another word. 

minhyun failed to stifle a sob in that moment. he brought the palms of his hands to his face and started sobbing uncontrollably. the weight of everything had finally come and collapsed on him.

\---

after a couple sobs in the car, minhyun decided to go back and find seongwoo and make sure he was safe and alright. he figured if he bumped into jaehwan, nothing would come from it considering jaehwan seemed completely done with him already. 

when he entered the house, minhyun noticed it was a bit emptier. there was still quite a lot of people but it seemed the party was about to come to a close within the next hour or so. 

the dj was playing softer, more ballad type songs, which minhyun found weird but he didn’t question it any further. 

“oh there you are!”

minhyun turned toward the direction in which the voice came from. 

“i’ve been looking for you!” sungwoon said. 

“have you seen seongwoo?” minhyun asked. “i was his plus one and designated driver.”

“actually, jisung wanted me to tell you that he took seongwoo home.”

“oh.” minhyun said.

“you alright, man? your eyes look kinda puffy. have you been crying recently?”

minhyun shook his head. “i’m fine. thanks though, for telling me.”

“no problem,” sungwoon said before leaving. 

_great_ , minhyun thought. he just had the most excruciating talk he’s ever had with anyone ever _and_ his friend ditched him at a party he never even wanted to go to in the first place.

minhyun was about to leave when from his position in the hallway, he heard a familiar laugh. 

spotted in the living room was jaehwan and daniel. daniel sat on the pull out sleeping chair while jaehwan sat on the armrest sitting perpendicular to him. they were giggling to each other about something.

minhyun crept behind the wall and watched silently as the two interacted in their own little world. the jaehwan that minhyun was looking in that moment was different from the jaehwan he spoke with just earlier. 

he looked happier, definitely better than minhyun and his puffy eyes. he saw the way jaehwan looked at daniel, with complete affection and admiration glimmering in his eyes. his smile was bright and wide, matched with a loud and obnoxious laugh. of course daniel’s eyes reciprocated the same kind of emotion towards jaehwan. _who wouldn’t look at jaehwan like that?_ minhyun thought to himself. 

he remembered looking at jaehwan the same way, he still does, he still is. he remembered jaehwan looking back at him just as bright eyed and in love. 

minhyun wonders if he’ll ever get to see those eyes look at him with such emotion again.

**Author's Note:**

> yeah i cant write endings for shit and what about it!! still hope u enjoyed though :)
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/offsynth)


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